Catching up

[Murfreesboro]

Your Aunt Millie does sound like a treasure. What a blessing she's been in all your lives.

My mother told me stories that probably shaped my view of my half-siblings. My mother struggled with fertility issues fir 12 years before I was born, and during that time I think my father's first family was sort of a thorn in her side. His kids came around a fair amount, I think, partly because they missed him, but also because he was a successful lawyer and had money to spare. Perhaps he also doted on them a bit because of guilt. Mama always suspected that his first wife wanted him back, and that her daughter really wanted the family together again. The divorce had been his fault (infidelity) , but my mother's take on it was that it was his FIL who really pushed for the divorce. Mama had known of his FIL years before she knew my father. He was a prominent and wealthy man in southeast Arkansas. His son had died in an accident as a teenager, so his daughter was his only child left, and my mother's belief was that he was infuriated at how my father had disrespected her. Her sense during those years 12 years was that the first wife regretted the divorce. At the same time, Mama never said anything disparaging about that first wife, whom I also met at least once.

I remember my half-siblings coming around from time to time during my early childhood, but they never visited once after our father's death, nor did they make much effort to stay in touch. Mama did make a point of visiting my half brother and his family during my teen years, when they happened to live for a while in her hometown. We were always up there during the summer and Christmas, often Easter, so she felt it was important to try. My half brother has also shown up for family reunions a few times, but not at these most recent ones. Back in 2000 I called my half sister to tell her about our aunt's death, since I doubted anyone else would think to do it. Back then you could still find a landline # in a phone book. We had a pleasant conversation, but that's the last contact we've had.

My father's mother and two sisters adored my mother, so it's been easy for me.to fit into that side of my family even without my father. I think maybe they didn't know the previous wife that well. It would probably have been harder for her children to mix with the rest of us, especially during our youth. And re my half-sister, she married right out of high school and had three children, so during my childhood she was probably just overwhelmed taking care of her own family up in the Delta, which isn't super close to Jackson. I mean, it's the same state, but a completely different geographical region. Doubtless if our father had lived, we'd have seen a little more of her.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

Thank you Murf. Yes, Millie is definitely loved and appreciated by those of us that have grown up with her. Like I said, my grandmother wasn't around for much longer than my grandfather, and Millie became a surrogate grandmother to us, and now she sits as the head of the family, still offering her years of wisdom, experience, and unique sense of humor to us when we need it. I know that she won't be around forever, but I'm glad that we still have her for now, and that she's still going strong.

Regarding your half sister, it's good to know that she was willing to have a conversation with you when you reached out to inform her of your aunt's passing. At least you know that there wasn't any hatred there from her. You have mentioned that you still have curiosity about your father's side of the family, and that your half sister is still around, would you ever consider trying to contact her again? I know it would probably be a very awkward conversation, but at this point in both your lives it might be cathartic for you to discuss your father, and what he meant to each of you.

Of course, it's already been this long, and if you're at peace with where the topic stands then there's no need to make contact with her.

[Murfreesboro]

One of my CA cousins made a point to visit her a couple of years back, when my cousin was touring the Blues Trail in the Delta. My half sister was very open to her, I think, so she'd probably be ok with seeing me, too. The trouble is on my side. I remember her asking for a particularly striking photo of our father at the funeral, made when he was about 21, and Mama just gave it to her on the spot. I was dismayed, but I was only 7, so I didn't speak up. All my life I've wanted that picture, and it wouldn't be hard or expensive to get a copy now, unlike 1962. But I feel weird about meeting her for the first time in , what? 63 years? And then asking her for something.