This is so....nasty, but..
Martin Mull in one of his comedy books, has a fake Christmas letter to send out..you can imagine.."Bobby is getting out of the pen in Feb, and we are all going down to Pelican Bay to see him..Sissy is getting more feeling back in her hand after the successfull surgery to put it back on last summer and promisess to turn the lawn mower off next time..Uncle Zeb is gone, and his matress finally got disinfected..but we still don't know what disease it was he had..Uncle Zeb might be in your neighbourhood, he isn't dead, just GONE.."
Now, over the years, I have TOYED with the idea of sending out one of my own...my son and I have even kicked the idea around when we are in the car..we've come up with LOTS of fun story lines, BUT we know there are many people in the family who (1) would not find it funny at ALL (2) would think it a slam and a slurr and an insult and a scoffing and a mocking of THEIR letter that THEY send..(3) might even think it was true and show up at The Kingston Pen for Women in Ontario Canada if I told them my oldest daughter was on parole for the holidays and needed a ride home..
So every year, as he gets older, and the letter we come up with gets more and more TWISTED folks sometimes WONDER what these two guys are LAUGHING at in a car beside them..(But hey, nice ending..one year we stopped for gas at a station and somebody who had seen us whooping it up complimented us on having such a good relationship...not fighting or barely speaking like you can tell when you pass some families heading home and you think they are going to pull out knives and end it right there..we thanked them, but did NOT tell them what we were laughing about..
Run run Rudolph, Santa's got to make it on time..